It takes a village

     Today marks the original due date for Josephine. It is wild to reflect back on the past eight weeks. It seems like yesterday that I was calling my dad shortly after Ali's water broke on November 1st and telling him we were going to get through this and I was going to "give it a college try."  Having a child has the same feeling of excitement as college. Everything is new and there is no lack of advice from people around you.  My favorite part about being a parent is "wakey time" which consists of about 20 minutes of Josie smiling with wide open eyes taking in the world around her. Looking through the pictures on this blog made me realize how much my little daughter has grown so fast. I will be forever thankful to the nurse on our first morning visit to the NICU that encouraged me to take an active role and change Josie's first diaper. From the start we have been in this team and there is no one else I could imagine going through these recent events with besides my beautiful wife. Ali has been doing a great job keeping up with the challenges of motherhood like a champion. I am so thankful that I married such a wonderful woman.    
      Thank you to everyone who helped us through this trying time as a couple. The amount of love and joy we have received this holiday season has been amazing. Between visitors and family get togethers, Josie has met most of her local relatives and family friends. The best gifts are the advice and stories that we  have had with the people we love.  Stay classy and thanks for all the endless amount of love that you all have sent our way.

3 Weeks Home

So I haven't had time to write, go figure!  The first few days were surreal. We jumped at every sound or lack of sound she made.  She slept like a log for a few days. We had to wake her to eat during the night.  Oh, those were the days ;-) 

Josephine is doing great! She had her one month check up on Tuesday. She now weighs 5 lbs 6oz and is 19.5 inches long.  The doctor doesn't have any concerns with her.  She just needs to keep growing. Nursing is going great too.  This was a big concern of mine.  I have weaned her off of the nipple shield which means I can stop pumping.  We are now enjoying the lack of sleep that all new parents are rewarded with.  

Jesse has been home this whole time. He goes back to work after the holidays. That will be difficult for me but I'm so grateful for the time we have had as a family.  With the snowy weather we have been shut up in our little house, all cozy with Josie. The first week we just sat on the couch and passed her back and forth. I still get sad sometimes to think about how much time my baby had to spend away from us at the beginning of her life.  The more we get to know her, the harder it is to remember leaving her. I hope we don't ever have to leave her again. 

She is sassy!

One month old! 

And she's a fighter!

Mission Accomplished

We

Are

Home!

Happy Thanksgiving!  So much to be thankful for this year!

Coming Home

I'm nervous to even write it but today is the day...I think.  It was supposed to be yesterday but then her weight dropped a bit from Monday to Tuesday.  The doctor wanted to make sure she could maintain her body temperature without losing weight.  Yesterday her weight was up 55 grams.  Peanut showed them!  So as long as her weight has stayed or not dropped too much she is coming home!!  

I'm up now, pumping.  I don't think I'll  be able to sleep anymore.  I know I need my sleep now, more than ever, but I'm just too excited. This could be it! The day our baby girl comes home!  We're not ready, but who ever is?  I gave up trying to be ready for her.  I just want to hold her all day!  I don't ever want to put her down.  We've already spent too much time apart.  We have a lot to be thankful for today!

This is a photo from her car seat test yesterday.  Preemie's have to sit in their car seat for an hour and a half with the monitors on to make sure they can breath ok.  

She Can Do It

On Monday morning we were happy to find out that Miss Josephine was moved to an open crib. That means she is regulating her body temperature and doesn't need the help of the warm bed anymore. By mid day, the nurse had removed her feeding tube because she had taken all feeds for over 24 hours by mouth.  When the doctors came through it was decided that she could now breastfeed exclusively!  AND...if she can do all this and still maintain steady weight gain she can go home!  I'm trying not to freak out but her tentative discharge date is Wednesday!!!!  When I went up last night for her 8:00 feeding she was very sleepy and almost didn't wake up to eat.  I'm nervous to call and find out how she did all night.  If she didn't wake to feed, she may have her feeding tube back in and we may be pushing back that discharge date.  As the doctor said, it's all up to her!

Regardless, this peanut is coming home soon.  We, her parents, look a bit like deer in headlights.  Not quite sure where to start preparing.  A month ago I had a well organized checklist of all the things we needed to do.  But a lot of things things seem silly and superficial now.  Her bedroom has become the place we drop all things baby. We just haven't had time to put away and organize all the wonderful, beautiful gifts that have been arriving daily at our house.  I suppose it will just take time.  Little by little, room by room, and eventually the house will be back in working order.  And what does she really need?  A place to sleep, diapers, and food to eat.  We've got that covered.  We'll be alright!  Even better when we can cuddle with our babe in the comfort of our own home!

New big-girl bed!

Trying to copy daddy.

Goodnight sweet angel.

Move'n On Up

The good news just keeps on coming and I'm trying to contain my excitement. Yesterday we met Josephine's new doctor. We really like him too. He spent some time talking to us about her plan and progress. He said she would be going home in about 4-7 days!  Her nurse yesterday got us started with discharge paperwork. There are pamphlets to read and we had to watch 2 videos. So we've begun the process.  

This morning we came in to feed at 8:00am. A few minutes into our feed a nurse informed us that Miss Josephine would be moving. Babies with more needs we're coming in(I overheard a 25 weeker and a 29 weeker). So Josephine is now in the newborn nursery/NICU annex.  She is the only NICU baby in there although she may get roommates. This nursery is smaller, quieter, and ironically right where I spent the first 10 days of November. So we've come full circle.  Below is what I believe to be Josie's reaction to her move!

See Saw

So on Wednesday the dr in charge of Josie told us that she is doing great, right where she needs to be...but it will be a few weeks before she can go home.  I was slightly shocked.  Many people (none of whom were doctors) said she'd only need a few weeks total.  We were aready a week and a half into her NICU stay.  I adjusted, as I have to, and dropped all hope that Josie would be home for Thanksgiving.  Then on Friday morning, that same doctor, told us to get the house ready because she would be coming home within the week!  What!?  I don't understand!  For 10 days they told us nothing about when she might be home other than sometime around her due date.  I don't know what to believe. We both got a little excited at the thought that she could be home in a week.  I asked our nurse what she thought when we returned last night.   She said not to get our hopes up.  We're just riding on a see-saw.  Up and down, up and down, up and down...

Today Josephine is 35 weeks.  I think that is a good thing. She's gaining weight, breastfeeding pretty well, her bed temperature is steadily being lowered and she's taking the occasional bottle for the nurses.  We need to work on that one.  Last night we had a typical new parent experience.  During her 5:00 feeding Miss Josephine did quite a number in her diaper(she can't take all the credit, the nurse did give her a stool softener).  Daddy took her because he's the diaper dude.  I followed because I had a feeling this was going to be interesting. As I thought, it was a big mess for such a little girl!  Daddy slipped a new diaper under her first, and opened the messy one-probably a little grateful she was in an incubator.  As he was reaching for the wipes our beautiful little daughter apparently wasn't done.  She then finished her business all over her daddy's hand!  And her bed, and some of her cords.  I don't think the nurses are accustomed to hearing such laughter in the NICU. We couldn't help it. Miss thing had such a satisfied grin on her face.  I wish I had a picture or video of this but I wasn't out of the danger zone and this was a two person clean up job.  Hopefully we both learned our lesson and won't make this messy mistake in our house!

So innocent!

Cuddlers

Strong is amazing!  A friend sent me this link when I was on bed rest. I can think of a few women who may get their name on this list as soon as you read this article.  I have seen these women in the NICU. Their services are certainly needed for some of the babies. Fortunately, Miss Josephine has plenty of cuddlers! In fact Jesse and I are almost fighting for her.  We are so lucky to have the flexibility with our jobs and the healthcare that we have.  There are not many babies who have both parents at their bedside everyday.  I know in my district there was a vote this week about a new contract and changes in our healthcare. Although the price is going up we are still very fortunate for the benefits that we have.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/10/29/volunteer-cuddlers-add-extra-level-of-infant-care/3294143/

Hey, I'm trying to sleep here!

And she's back!

During my early morning feedings we usually call the NICU. There is a direct line to Josie's room so we can talk to the nurse who has cared for her all night. She is an active girl! The nurse said she just about jumped out the porthole!  I think she's had it with hanging in her diaper under the lights. The best news this morning is that her bilirubin levels have been low for two days in a row so she can come off the lights. Now she can wear her new clothes and be swaddled up.  This should help her sleep and gain some weight. Momma and daddy are excited that we can hold her for as long as we want now! If I wasn't attached to this pump I might be on my way there already!

This picture is from last night. Daddy got to feed his first bottle. She did not make it easy for him!

One step forward...

...And two steps back!  I guess that is how it goes.  Yesterday morning the nurse called to let us know that Josie's bilirubin levels were high again.  So she's back under the lights, wearing nothing but her diaper. Little stinker!  I went shopping anyway.  Momma just couldn't resist buying some outfits and Daddy had more fun than he'd like to admit.  The nurse said it would probably be a few days.  We can deal with that.  In other good new, Josephine has been taking a bottle more frequently for the nurses.  She has to be taking all feeds orally so this is a small step in the right direction. 

I have to give a shout out to my amazing friends who have been bringing dinner for us!  You have no idea how much this has helped!!  Thank you- thank you-thank you!!

One Week Old

She did it...and we did it, one week down. It's all a blur to me now. Funny, I was having such a hard time living one day at a time when I was on bed rest now it's just what I do. I don't think about the upcoming holidays, or next weekend(what are weekends?!) or even tomorrow. I just focus on what we need to do today. How soon can I hold her? When do I pump next? Did we eat today? Where did we park in the parking garage? You'd be surprised how difficult it can be to answer that last one! Jesse has been driving in and out of the same parking garage for 17 straight days.  

Josephine is now up to full feeds. She is wearing her own clothes. Her bed temperature is slowly being turned down. She is, as many nurses have said in the last month, a rock star! We are so happy to have her here. 

On the 6th Day

Today was a good day.  Less tears from me and more time with our tiny Josie.  We've gotten into a routine now. Week days are no different from weekends.  I'm trying to pump every three hours although I've yet to be successful throughout the night.  I pump at 5/6 am and our day begins. We pack lunches, things to do, and try to get to the hospital by 7:45.  Jesse is in charge of the pre-feeding diaper change and temperature reading. He then passes her off to me for feeding. I am happy to announce that she has had some successful breast feedings.  Not all, but some, and that is still reason to celebrate. The nurse said she was a 'rock star' tonight. 

After feedings I have to pump. Then we have about 1-1.5 hour before the next feeding. We use this time to catch up on phone calls, emails, and each other. It's been wonderful that Jesse is off work and we are making this NICU journey together.  

Friends and family have expressed an interest in visiting. While we are excited to show off our cuddle bug the NICU has a lot of rules. No kids under 14. No one even the slightest bit sick. Visiting hours 11-8. Only 2 visitors per day. Since there is a limit to the visitors we have offered the opportunity to our immediate family first. Once they have all made it up we may be able to have others.  In the meantime I will try to keep up with this blog. You can also see pictures and videos on our shutterfly site(warning-work in progress!). https://babyprymac.shutterfly.com/pictures/5

We have also received an overwhelming outpouring of generosity in the form of meals. We can't tell you how much this has helped us. We have been spending full days at the NICU and nothing is better than coming home to a home-cooked meal.  In an attempt to organize the meals coming in I found this website. http://mealbaby.com/viewregistry/16253900. If it's too confusing just text one of us. 

It's almost time to pump again but before I close, a quick medical update:

-no more IV

-no more phototherapy for jaundice

-eating 32 cc every three hours(that is just over an ounce)

-she needs to gain weight and regulate her body temp

She's doing great!!!!

Going Home

Yesterday was the most difficult day I've ever experienced. Leaving the hospital without my little girl was excruciatingly painful. Jesse had to lead me out, my vision was blurred with the tears.  I wore makeup for the first time in 13 days-not the best idea.  I can't explain how it feels. I just kept saying "This feels so weird."  To be home in our house without a baby or being pregnant just doesn't feel right. I feel like I lost something. I feel guilty for sitting on the couch.  I feel sad because she is in the hospital without her momma hooked up to all sorts of machines.  I feel helpless. And when something funny happens I laugh-and then feel guilty again.  At the end of the day, I pumped breast milk to bring to her and cried myself to sleep. 

This morning I got up early to pump again and a new day began. I didn't cry as much today.  We were very busy. We packed bags with food and things to do. Then we headed to the hospital for her 8:00 feeding.  It was a busy day; feeding every three hours, meeting doctors and other people in the NICU.  After her 2:00 feeding I pumped and we left. No tears this time. Perhaps it will get easier each time. 

3am Pump'n Blog

Sorry it has taken so long for another update. New parents are busy-new NICU parents are SO busy!!  For the past two days we have been learning how to care for Josephine in the NICU. We report every three hours for her feeding routine.  We stay for at least an hour.  So we end up with about an hour to an an hour 45 to go back to our room, eat, pack up the room, fill out paperwork(which just keeps appearing), contact family/ friends and I also have to pump for the next feeding.  I am not complaining by any means!  We are eager parents of our little peanut!  This is why I haven't called some people back, or replied to texts, or emails.  

So there isn't much to report now.  She is making progress.  Being fed 14cc at this time. It could be more by the time we get there later this morning.  She is and always has been breathing on her own.  When I post pictures it looking like she has a million cords connected to her because she does have a million cords connected to her!  Most of them are there for monitoring her.  She has an IV in her hand. She also has an orange feeding tube in her nose. We feed her anything I can pump out at this time-which isn't much. The rest is supplemented with formula until my milk comes in.  

Ok my 3:00 am pump is done so I need to sleep. Here are some pictures until later. 

Girl loves a matching outfit!

Skin-to-skin with Daddy

She's Here!

Josephine Grace Pryor

Born at 10:33pm on 11-10-13(she gets to share her birthday with her aunt and cousin!!)

4lbs 7oz. Not bad for being 7 weeks early!

It will be a long story to tell another day. But after a little extra care, baby and mom are doing fine. 

Celebrate!

One week down! We are now 33 weeks pregnant. Baby has one more week of development in utero!  The Brodheads came to visit this afternoon and brought us some sparkling grape juice to celebrate!  Glad to say that by dinner I was ready to celebrate.  This morning didn't start out great. I was up early feeling uncomfortable, slightly icky, with some tightening in my lower abdomen. Looking back now I don't think I was having contractions, but at the time I was quick to jump to the assumption.  Which then brought on some anxiety...which feels like a stomach ache so I was just perpetuating a cycle all morning until I finally fell back asleep for a bit.  Jesse was strong and ready for baby if it was time.  I think I had been so excited that we made it one week that I was already setting next week as another goal. See!  It is so hard for me to take it one-day-at-a-time!  But I promise to keep trying. 

I must take a minute to thank all the wonderful people who have visited, sent gifts, prayers and kind thoughts our way!  We are both overwhelmed with the generosity that is flowing our way. My mom helped me organize the gifts and cards this morning.  It's much more cheerful in here now. 

NICU

Last night we toured the NICU.  It's such a special place.  Jesse wheeled me through the quiet halls on the maternity floor through big locked double doors into this bright cheerful place that was bustling with more nurses and doctors than I've seen all week.  A very nice nurse walked us around and talked us through the process we will be experiencing sometime in the next few weeks.  It was a comfort to see where the baby will be, understand what all the machines were and what they would be doing for the baby.  We met some other parents there.  They let us see their son and ask questions.  Her water broke on a Friday night(like me) and she delivered on Monday(not like me).  She was 25 weeks.  Her son was about 2 lbs at birth.  He's been in the NICU for 37 days.  They live about an hour away, down past Canandaigua.  So they go to work every day and come up here every night and sit with their baby until that have to go home and start the cycle again.   This is what life is like for NICU parents.  We are beginning to understand.

Babies Make it Better

Yesterday my favorite visitors were not the ones who asked questions, brought gifts or listened with care(although I am truly grateful to all of you as well!!!) My favorite visitors were the ones who reminded me that this moment and the terrifying ones that will follow the birth of this baby are only temporary.  Babies change so fast!  Little Ben entered our world just 3 weeks ago and he's already changed so much.  Hagan is ready to have a conversation with us.  He wanders in like he owns the place.  I think he has a new tooth every time I see him.  Babies change daily.  This baby in me is growing and changing daily.  I was told that every day baby stays in me is 2 fewer days baby is in the NICU.  I don't know if there are any facts to back that up but that statement has helped me to show gratitude for each day.  I don't know if I have ever really lived 'one day at a time'.  I've said that, and I've thought about it..but I'm a planner.  An amazing long term planner.  I like have a goal off in the distance that I'm reaching for.  But I can't do that now.  I can't set myself up for that kind of failure.  Statically this baby will be out before we reach week 35.  Two doctors have told me that.  So I have to be grateful for each day.  Each day Baby Pryor stays safe inside me is a victory, something to be celebrated.
Thank you, Hagan and Ben, for helping me see that.

The Best/Worst

Mornings are the best and the worst part of the day.  We're early risers anyway but with day light savings and unfamiliar beds we're really early risers.  I think we were up at 4:00 this morning thanks to my regular check up from the nurse.  It's the best to be just us for a bit in the quiet room.  Talking about anything.  This morning is was the election and work for Jesse.  We can sit together and forget where we are for a while.  13wham whispering in the background just like always. 
This morning Jesse took me for a wheelchair ride.  He had to get some things from the car so he pushed me down to the lobby.  Its nice to get out of the room especially when the halls and elevators are empty.  I was so excited at the thought of getting a coffee but we were so early that the coffee shop wasn't even open.  On our way we passed the nursery where there were three babies under the lights.  They didn't look terribly sick, just sleeping under the lights.  And I lost it.  I've seen babies like that before but it's different now.  Any day now it could be my baby. 
It surprised me how much this quiet morning scene affected me.  I've always been one to face the facts.  I watch when my blood is drawn.  I want to see where I'm going.  These damn hormones!  That is why mornings are also the worst.  Morning is when I have to say good-bye to Jesse.  I have yet to do it with a dry eye.  I'm fine, we are fine, baby is safe in my belly and unless I get a prolapsed cord(When the umbilical cord falls out of me requiring immediate cesarean) Jesse would be able to get here in time to be with me during labor.  These damn hormones!  I feel like a toddler being left with a babysitter.  I'm fine... as soon as the door clicks shut. 

Roll With It

Halfway through day 4.  The last few days have gone surprisingly fast.  Sunday we saw family and my doctor came up for a social visit.  We talked a lot about what to expect and what expectations we now have to let go.  I always knew that I couldn't plan anything for this pregnancy but I was told I could 'prepare' for it.  And so we did.  We did so much to prepare for natural childbirth with little to no medical interventions.   A week ago I thought my biggest let down would be caving and taking the epidural.  And look at us now.  It kinda felt like a slap in the face to be honest.  I guess that was what we needed.  Someone was telling us "You idiots!  You can't plan OR prepare for this!  You just gotta roll with it!"  Luckily Jesse is really good at the 'rolling with it' part and he's gotten me there too. 

So here is the little more we know now:
-Ultrasound on Sunday showed that Baby Pryor is measuring about 4 lbs 2oz, head down facing my right hip.  There are still pockets of amniotic fluid and baby will continue to make more.  All great things we are thankful for!
-Non-stress test shows Baby Pryor is quite the dancer!  Moving all over with a healthy heartbeat and the occasional hiccups.  I was not having any contractions.  Also all great things!
-The physical therapist came in and gave me some exercises to do from my bed.  (I can already picture the jealous smirks from my favorite gym-phobic friends at the thought of exercising while laying in bed!  Really, it's not that great!)
-I was told that statistically I will not make it to my goal of 35 weeks(which would be Saturday November 23rd)  I could, but there is a greater chance that I won't.  And we're OK with that. 
-Regardless, it looks like the turkey will be cooked in time for Thanksgiving so open the flood gates for Grandma Carol and Liz: 'Baby's 1st Thanksgiving/Hanukah/Christmas/Kwanzaa/New Years' items are now appropriate for buying.  Lord help the sales people at Kohl's! 
-We are still waiting to meet the doctors from the NICU and take a tour. (To our fellow Phans-if you can track down a tiny NICU bib or onesie we know someone who will look great in it!)

Holy Water

So my last post was about 6 months ago. My how things have changed. Up until the last 24 hours I've had an amazing pregnancy. I've taken time to truly be grateful for my health, my movement, and that my baby was growing so beautifully inside me. Most of all I've been grateful for my husband who has taken on most of the cooking, cleaning and nursery prepping. He sprung into action as soon as I slowed down and  he hasn't stopped.  

We haven't stopped really, we've been very busy. Two showers down, two more to go...maybe?! We've been taking classes, reading books and talking to other new parents. Doing all the things we should. And then....

Last night the unexpected happened. My water broke. I was sitting in the kitchen eating dinner. I stil up to give Buffan a hug goodbye and I noticed that my dress was wet. I glanced back at the chair and saw a wet spot. Jesse saw it too. We exchanged a look and walked Buff out. As soon as the door closed I kinda giggled and said that either my water broke or I just peed my pants. 

Fast forward through 24 hours, many doctors/nurses, two triage centers, one ambulance ride and here we are. Watching a phish concert on the laptop in room 3-1223. Surviving the first emotional day of hospital bed rest.  The plan is to keep this baby in for 3 more weeks. At that time I'll be 35 weeks and much safer to deliver baby Pryor.  How do we achieve this goal-by keeping me in a bed at the hospital. I'm still processing it.  

Holy Nose 5-4-13

This morning I woke up with the nose of a bloodhound.

Can't Read Enough 5-1-13

Today I got a package from amazon. I knew I would get it today because I was tracking it every 6-8 hours since I ordered it two days ago. Tracking packages is one of my favorite ways to waste time. I'm slightly obsessed with it.
So today I got two books recommended by my dr. Jesse was working late so I made dinner and then got comfy on the porch couch with my new reading ...it wasn't long before I slipped into a nice cat-nap. I just woke up. Now it's time for bed. This is the life of trimester #1.

4 Weeks & 3 Days

So I'm brought back to this place with news! We are becoming three! It's very early and we are in shock that the first try took. We are overcome with every emotion possible! So here is where I will share our next adventure.
Today we went to see Dr. Emily for the first time. It wasn't a real prenatal visit. (Although I had butterflies all day) I needed to check in to figure out how to move from my Medifast meal plan to a healthy pregnancy diet. It was Jesse's first time meeting Dr Emily. He did great! Asking questions, taking notes and following the two of us talking a mile a minute.
We attempted to celebrate by going out to dinner-side note: don't eat at Timothy Patrick's. Terribly disappointing.
Today there is a little person the size of a orange seed inside of me.