November 1st

It's finally here. The day that has been haunting me for a year. Ironically the day after Halloween. It was one year ago that my water broke. I've been told that many moms go through a range of emotions when their babies turn one. Maybe I will too, but I've got another 10 days before that hits. Today is that day that sticks out in my mind. It's the day that changed everything.  

For a while I thought it wasn't right to have negative thoughts about Nov 1.  But I realize now it wasn't a positive experience and there is no reason to pretend. My beautiful baby girl was born on Nov 10th and THAT is a day to celebrate. Nov 1 was scary. My first ambulance ride, first time being admitted to a hospital, first night sleeping in a hospital bed-all while worrying about the little person growing inside me. It was scary.

A few weeks ago I broke my finger. No big deal, not worth sharing. I went to an urgent care connected to a hospital. Not a hospital that I'd been to recently.  I went to get my finger checked around 7:00 at night. Being fall, it was dark already. As soon as I walked in I felt it, smelled it, sensed it. It took me back to my bedrest instantly.  It almost took my breath away. The lobby wasn't fully lite, offices were closed, and snack stands gated up. Most people haven't experienced a hospital at night. I have. I've wandered the halls in the quiet dark. I've gone to the lobby for coffee only to find it wasn't open...yet. 

The funny thing is that on Oct. 4th, just weeks prior, I was at the hospital where my whole experience began. I felt nothing.  I parked, and went in full of excitement because I was there to support a momma in labor. Only my second time as a doula. Perhaps that is a testament to how focused I was on this mother or maybe it was just not close enough to Nov 1. That evening was long, and exhausting, and exhilarating, and beautiful. Birth is amazing!  I feel so privileged to experience these moments with new parents. 

Another wave of emotions came over me driving to work this week when I thought about the 'next time'.  Many doctors advised us that my body needed a full year to heal before getting pregnant again.  We aren't in any hurry so I haven't thought much about it. Now it's been a year. We could get pregnant now-don't get excited we don't plan to yet!  This realization sent me on another tailspin. Now I have to face these fears. What if we have another preemie?  What if it comes even earlier this time? So many 'what if's'. 

So today we will remember. We will talk about what happened one year ago. Then we will move on. We have a birthday party to plan!!

This is last last photo of me and my belly before it deflated. I've often looked at other women late in their pregnancy and wondered if my belly got that big. It's still hard to tell from this photo. 

One More Saturday Night

So I'm rocking Josie to sleep, we've had a rough sleep week-but that is another story. I think she's good and out so I put her in the crib. No go. So we sit back in the rocking chair. She is now wide awake. She starts exploring my face. First just feeling around. Then really digging in. Fingers up my nose-time to clip her nails! Then she becomes determined to get my eyeballs!  It felt like she was trying to claw them out. I was pretending to sleep in hopes she'd get the message. She pokes at my squinting eyes for a few minutes before finding my teeth. Eventually she bores of the teeth too and moves on to scratching at the upholstery on the chair. Slowly she drifts off...and that's my Saturday night. 😵

Actually my night will take a dramatic twist when Jesse gets home from staples and we hide in the basement with a bottle of wine, the shredder and a stack of papers. Woo hoo!  

Happiest Baby on the Block

You were the happiest baby yesterday. You were grinning from ear to ear when we went in to get you in the morning.  You laughed, giggled and played in the morning before work. You babbled all the way to day care in the backseat. You have so much to say, I can wait until I can understand it. 

When I came to pick you up from daycare you cried because you were so excited to see me.  As soon as I picked you up it was all smiles again. I've never seen so much of your gums before. Perhaps this is the lull before you cut your first tooth. 

We took a drive to a farmers market to get fall strawberries(Mommy still needs to make jam). I foolishly thought you'd take a nap in the car. But you just watched the scenes go by. We stopped at the farm and daddy took you out. You smiled at the fruit, you smiled at the vegetables, you smiled at every person there. So many smiles!  We played in the car for a bit before strapping you into your car seat. It was a wonderful afternoon together. 

Mother's Day

What did you get for Mother's Day?

I got diarrhea. No, seriously. During the one 4 hour stretch of sleep Josie had last night I had to run, no sprint, to the bathroom not once, but twice. Yes, that is gross and embarrassing and I may regret putting it on my blog but that is life. When Josie is her own mother some day and has unrealistic images of the ideal Mother's Day (painted by Hollywood in some romantic comedy) in her head I want to remember what our first Mother's Day was like.  This is real life. 

Jesse left on Friday morning for a bachelor party in Montreal and he returned late Sunday afternoon. Josie and I were on our own all weekend. So I had that going for me, which is nice...but after spending all day every day just us girls I've found I really look forward to my evenings with Jesse.  I had Saturday all planned out-remember the theme of this blog, the best laid plans...soooo around 3:00 the car was packed, Josie woke up, I fed her and we were off to sleep at my parents house-that is until my car wouldn't start.  Fast forward 2 hours, it's about 5:00, we are in the car, it is running, and we are on our way.  It felt like setting sail in a tiny boat packed for a long journey, so much anticipation so little room.   In the end my parents were very happy to have us as house guests and I enjoyed the adult conversation. Oh, but remember that earlier blog post about sleep training and 'cry it out'? Yup, we'll start all over again tonight...training doesn't work on the road.  Can't say I really minded the extra nursing sessions and cuddle time with my peanut. It won't last forever. 

Mother's Day must have been created by hallmark.  It's just another day we are moms, good, bad, happy, sad, sick, well...it's just another day. Shouldn't we celebrate our moms any day, everyday?  Dads too! And teachers and nurses while we're at it. Do we really need all the hype over a holiday to be so thoughtful?  I by no means had a bad day.  I had a day. Another day being Josie's mom. In the grand scheme of life will it matter that Jesse was out of town for my first Mother's Day? Or that we are secure enough with each other that he choose whether he wanted to take this trip and then I supported his decision. (Doesn't mean I wasn't cursing him when I had to call AAA to jump my car). My day began(albeit early, 5:00am) with huge baby smiles and millions of kisses while cuddling in bed with my Jojo.  My day is coming to a close with a dinner I didn't cook, a glass of wine, my family all sung in their beds, and perhaps a nice hot soak in the tub.  It's just another day... filled with gratitude. 

 

The only mother-daughter picture taken on our 1st Mother's Day. 

Those morning cuddles I mentioned. 

Daddy's girl

Taco Tuesday

Or burrito...burrito baby!

She is actually blowing raspberries at us here. Stinker!

Sleep training is going as good as it can I expect. Yesterday she fell asleep in under 5 minutes for all of her naps. Bed time is still taking 30-60 minutes. It sounds like she's on a roller coaster. One minute she has her eyes shut with a slow whimper then next she is screaming. I've been putting in earplugs and drinking wine to cope.  Jesse and I take turns going in to soothe her.  We both hope she's gets this routine sooner than later. 

In other news, she's officially rolling over, tummy to back.  We are very proud!  I haven't quite figured out how to upload videos. Hopefully this link works. 

http://youtu.be/qUI9fpra_IY

CIO

CIO-That's how it's referred to on all the 'Mommy message boards' but to lay people it's "Cry It Out" which is also know as 'The Worst Hour New Parents Will Ever Endure". 

I've been considering it for a month. We had a serious team meeting last night.  We both did some research. Jesse suggested we start next Monday. I just couldn't put it off anymore. It's like a band aide, just rip it off. So after dinner tonight we did a bath.  For the first time Josie was playing in the bath. We let her hang out for a bit with her rubber ducky...like it was her 'last supper'.  Then PJ's on, new diaper(disposable for night time) and instead of her usual swaddle I put her in a sleep sack with her arms out. If we're doing this we might as well go all the way. I attempted to read some books while Jesse did some last minute googling. And then it was time.  We gave her kisses, told her we loved her, laid her in her crib, turned out the light and walked out.  She didn't know what happened. She was so confused. That's our fault. We don't have a very consistent bedtime routine(strike 1). As the stunned look turned to sad, and then to mad we settled in for a rough ride.  We did a version of CIO where we go back in after 5, 10, 15 minutes and every 15 minutes until she is asleep.  The first 15 minute interval was the worst. She fell asleep before the second 15 minutes were up. We survived...until she woke up 29 minutes later.  That was 6 minutes ago.  She's working an intermittent whimper. So we're staying out and closely watching the monitor-how did parents do this before video monitors?! 

Just another day with Jose.

Magic Music

Yesterday afternoon I was driving out to Greece for a haircut. Josie was in the backseat screaming. This is not typical for her, especially at nap time. She usually let's out a few cries, I pop in the soothie, and she falls asleep humming to herself. Well, not today!  I put on the ac, tried static on the radio...nothing was working. I figured she was hungry and I'd feed her when we got there. 

So since static wasn't working I put on the radio.  I might as well sooth myself.  Nothing enjoyable on the radio so I turned on the cd(yes my car is so old I still play CDs in it). It was a cd my sister, Ashley, made for my wedding day. It was just cued up to one of my favorite songs, actually a song Jesse and I were going to use at our wedding reception but we ran out of time.  As soon as it started, Josephine stopped crying! It was amazing! I could see her wide eyes in the rear view mirror. She wasn't smiling, she was thinking very hard, furrowed brow and all. I believe she was trying to figure out how this song was so familiar. Why you heard it in my belly, my dear!  

I repeated the song until we reached my hairdressers. At which point I fed her, she was hungry. I'll try to link it below. 

http://youtu.be/_Dl5VIUHwQw

Spring Break or Bust!

Aren't we the adventureous new parents?!  After much back and forth the final destination is Williamsburg VA. This was the longest, snowiest, coldest winter Rochester has seen in years. We just couldn't wait any longer for the sunshine.  (Many thanks to Rob and Linda Remis!)

We are shocked at how well things have gone so far!  Last night Jesse said that Jojo was amazing-and she was. We made it to Hagerstown, MD in about 7 hours. Not bad since google maps told us it would take 6.  This morning we took our time getting up and out-ok, ok, so last night was a little rough...Josie decided to sleep for the night starting at 6:00 pm and she was up and ready to play around 3:00 am.  We took turns with her for the rest of the night and we all got another hour of sleep in around 6-7.  So we are now settling in at our place at The Historic Powhatan Resort. Josie is napping and Jessie's friend Emily is on her way with her daughter, Lily. We are all very excited to see each other. 

Sincere apologies for taking such a long break from blogging...can't imagine what has been keeping me from it. ;-) Here are some Josie updates:

- weighing in at about 11 lbs and 23 inches long

-5 months actual, 3.5 adjusted

-showing off her smiles constantly with the exception of when I have my camera out

-her newest trick is blowing bubbles and raspberries

-sleeping 3-6 hours with the occasional of night of 7-8, napping is 30-50 minutes and we'll be working on that when we get back

I promise to return soon!

First leg of our journey

Pit stop in Williamsport, PA

Josie insisted on wearing her crab outfit while in Maryland. 

Great start to second day on the road

Hi! I'm Josie.

I just took a ride in the laundry basket. 

Because I did this. 

He he he!!

(My first selfie)

Changes: Head to Hand

This morning you were sucking on your hands. So cute! And Wednesday night you rolled from your tummy to your back. It was quite surprising and you haven't pulled it off again. Not sure I can check that milestone off just yet. Last night you slept for almost 5 hours. We woke up in a panic and Dad picked you up immediately. We were so happy that you were alive that it didn't matter we woke you up.  Perhaps we're turning a corner with the sleeping schedule. 

A girl can hope, can't she?!

Yesterday you blew bubbles for the first time. Your such a talented baby!

Oh, and your hands! Your hands have started to change. I can almost make out dimples on your hands where knuckles should be. Your cousin Emma noticed weeks ago that you didn't have baby hands. You had the tinyest human hands-ever. But not now, now your getting baby hands. 

Dear Josephine

You just slept almost 4 hours. It was glorious.  You've done this once before but it was over a week ago. Mommy was beginning to think you'd never do it again. I'm so happy because you needed it so badly. Visiting family this afternoon caused you to miss your afternoon siesta and you never settled into a good nap after that. You just nursed and were back asleep in 45 min. Well done!  I hope you complete this night with a similar pattern. 

Love, 

Mommy

(Photo from yesterday morning, I can't take pics during the night. Mustn't wake you!)

PS- You have the softest feet!

PPS- For the record, you rolled front to back yesterday in front of Daddy and I. I've seen you do it before but no one would believe me without a witness. 

Breastfeeding, TMI?

Nursing is a wonder. I love to watch Josephine, crying out for food while she's lieing right next to my nipple. The second when she realizes(often after an adorable sniff or two) she turns and latches so quick. And then, silence. Followed by her rhythmic breathing and swallowing-sometimes gulping. She is still except for her chin bobbing up and down. Occasionally her hand will brush across my breast or her foot will stroke my arm. Eventually there will be gurgling coming from her stomach. And it all ends with a loud blast in her diaper. She's young enough for that to be cute.  The only unfortunate part for me is that she's in the habit of clamping down with her gums as she pulls her head back to come off as if she were sucking every last drop out of a packet of frosting for a toaster strudel. [Josie, if Mommys milk tastes anything like frosting you go right ahead. I'll forgive you.]. It helps knowing those last drops, the hind milk, have the most calories and nourishment. 

No it doesn't. 

It hurts like hell. 

But I wouldn't trade it for a second. 

2 months or 2 weeks

On Friday Josephine turned 2 months old. That is her actual age. Her adjusted age, her age from her due date, is two weeks. So while we were hoping for longer stretches of sleep and smiles/coos we probably have another 4 weeks before she's hitting these 2 month milestones.  I know I've fallen off the blogging wagon but I'm trying to hop back on. Recently people who I never expected to told me they were following the blog. It amazes me that people took time out of their busy day to read about our life. It is also comforting to know so many people were rooting for us. For her. 

Can I just say she is amazing. Or rather, we are amazed by her.  As typical new parents, we are content to watch her every move. Every flick of her arm, furrow of her brow, and we delight at her sneezes. We fight over who gets to let her sleep on their chest while we relax in front of the tv. (Can't say we're fighting over the 4am diaper change though) 

Friday she started drooling. I know, I know, not a major milestone. It's just so fascinating to see these changes in her. I didn't realize that she didn't drool until she started drooling.  She's also become more alert since Friday. It happened overnight. Over a long sleepless night.  

Here she is right now. 

Sunday morning snuggles in bed with mommy and daddy. A.K.A. Mommy and daddy aren't ready to surrender to the day yet. 

Before I close for today I should update the vitals. According to her new doctor(long story) whom she saw on Friday-drum roll please....

Weight: 7 lbs, 3.5 oz

Height: 20.375 inches

Progressing perfectly!  

Josephine gets an A+ in accepting her first round of vaccinations. Way to go baby!!