One Year Later

Wow!  It's been quite a year.  This boy has been SO different from everything we were familiar with.  He has challenges us, changed up and made our family what it is today.  We are so grateful for him. 

I still haven't written down his birth story.  I shared it with women at The Red Tent in February.  That was a turning point in my recovery.  Calvin, at 4 months old, cooed and babbled over my entire telling of our birth story.  It was as if he had his own version of the story and I don't think our stories are quite the same.  I was reminded of this as I watched him insist in throwing away his own diaper last night.  He wriggled around to grab the diaper as soon as I took it off.  A fair distraction while I attempted the buttons on his pajamas.  Before I could finish he had twisted and shoved to a standing position.  He then screeched until I finally gave up. At which point he marched across the room and lifted the top to his(child-proof?) diaper pail.  He stared in for a moment before shoving the diaper in(with a little help from momma). 

He is independent.  He is determined.  He is still learning how to communicate.  As I think back on the last year it was these qualities that challenged us.  He has always known what he wanted but he hasn't been able to communicate it to us.  We didn't realize he was often over-heating, or that eggs weren't agreeing with him.  So different from his easy-going sister who was content just to be with us and was an extremely early communicator. 

And I see now that is why his birth story went the way that it did.  Calvin had a plan.  He was determined.  He wasn't sure how to inform me of his plan.  And so he arrived with the help of the best midwives, doctors, nurses, 7-month-pregnant doula(amazing!) and one very excited grandma(thanks mom for the all-nighter) at Highland Hospital.  He arrived healthy and happy to two very tired parents, late on a Monday night, 38 hours after the first contraction woke me on Sunday morning.  Here is his story...

HE is here!

I said it in passing sometime around the end of September..."This baby seems to want to come out via c-section". And I was right. 

Throughout this pregnancy I came up against situations that put me in the 'might be needing a c-section' category. First this baby was breech, so I did positions to help him turn. It worked. Also  the placenta was in a position called complete Previa. Which meant my cervix was completely covered by my placenta. So I began acupuncture and also bought an herbal tincture(I know, I know, it's a little witchy). And it worked! At 29 weeks my placenta was completely clear of my cervix. And finally, in September it was brought to my attention (for the first time) that the baby was big enough to be concerning. Big enough that my midwife at delivery would be watching for shoulder dystocia (when the shoulders can't come out)

And in the end, I delivered a 8lb 1.8 oz baby boy VIA C-SECTION due to "failure to progress"!!! (Birth story to come soon). My baby was not too big to come out.  My body was not fully dilated and my baby appeared to be in a most favorable position but his head was just slightly cockeyed. I was also unable to produce contractions strong enough to dilate my uterus. I agree with all of the decisions made and have no regrets about this birth experience. I wasn't forced into the surgery. I was an active participant in the decision making process.  It was the right thing to do after 27 hours in the hospital including 13 hours of active/transitional labor. 

Here is my little guy:

Calvin Douglas Pryor

10/26/15

8:40 pm

8 lbs 1.8 oz 

10.26.15

32 Weeks...and Counting!

I can't describe the feeling(s). There have been so many in the past week. I'm like a pendulum swinging from confident to anxious-sometimes within the hour. I truly feel, deep down, that this baby is going to make it to at least 38 weeks. But an hour of consistent Braxton Hicks really shook me last Friday night and I began to wonder if my water would break even earlier this time.  But it didn't! And here I am, 32 weeks and 1 day. By this point in my last pregnancy I was on hospital bedrest. Yesterday I was running around, dropping Josie at daycare, setting up my classroom, cooking dinner, prepping dinner to freeze, doing laundry. I really put in a full day. And it felt great! 

I know, from experience, that this baby can(and will) come at any time and at this point the baby will be fine. We will all survive...these uncharted waters of the final trimester. 

August 18, 2015

30 w 6d

November 1st

It's finally here. The day that has been haunting me for a year. Ironically the day after Halloween. It was one year ago that my water broke. I've been told that many moms go through a range of emotions when their babies turn one. Maybe I will too, but I've got another 10 days before that hits. Today is that day that sticks out in my mind. It's the day that changed everything.  

For a while I thought it wasn't right to have negative thoughts about Nov 1.  But I realize now it wasn't a positive experience and there is no reason to pretend. My beautiful baby girl was born on Nov 10th and THAT is a day to celebrate. Nov 1 was scary. My first ambulance ride, first time being admitted to a hospital, first night sleeping in a hospital bed-all while worrying about the little person growing inside me. It was scary.

A few weeks ago I broke my finger. No big deal, not worth sharing. I went to an urgent care connected to a hospital. Not a hospital that I'd been to recently.  I went to get my finger checked around 7:00 at night. Being fall, it was dark already. As soon as I walked in I felt it, smelled it, sensed it. It took me back to my bedrest instantly.  It almost took my breath away. The lobby wasn't fully lite, offices were closed, and snack stands gated up. Most people haven't experienced a hospital at night. I have. I've wandered the halls in the quiet dark. I've gone to the lobby for coffee only to find it wasn't open...yet. 

The funny thing is that on Oct. 4th, just weeks prior, I was at the hospital where my whole experience began. I felt nothing.  I parked, and went in full of excitement because I was there to support a momma in labor. Only my second time as a doula. Perhaps that is a testament to how focused I was on this mother or maybe it was just not close enough to Nov 1. That evening was long, and exhausting, and exhilarating, and beautiful. Birth is amazing!  I feel so privileged to experience these moments with new parents. 

Another wave of emotions came over me driving to work this week when I thought about the 'next time'.  Many doctors advised us that my body needed a full year to heal before getting pregnant again.  We aren't in any hurry so I haven't thought much about it. Now it's been a year. We could get pregnant now-don't get excited we don't plan to yet!  This realization sent me on another tailspin. Now I have to face these fears. What if we have another preemie?  What if it comes even earlier this time? So many 'what if's'. 

So today we will remember. We will talk about what happened one year ago. Then we will move on. We have a birthday party to plan!!

This is last last photo of me and my belly before it deflated. I've often looked at other women late in their pregnancy and wondered if my belly got that big. It's still hard to tell from this photo. 

One More Saturday Night

So I'm rocking Josie to sleep, we've had a rough sleep week-but that is another story. I think she's good and out so I put her in the crib. No go. So we sit back in the rocking chair. She is now wide awake. She starts exploring my face. First just feeling around. Then really digging in. Fingers up my nose-time to clip her nails! Then she becomes determined to get my eyeballs!  It felt like she was trying to claw them out. I was pretending to sleep in hopes she'd get the message. She pokes at my squinting eyes for a few minutes before finding my teeth. Eventually she bores of the teeth too and moves on to scratching at the upholstery on the chair. Slowly she drifts off...and that's my Saturday night. 😵

Actually my night will take a dramatic twist when Jesse gets home from staples and we hide in the basement with a bottle of wine, the shredder and a stack of papers. Woo hoo!  

Happiest Baby on the Block

You were the happiest baby yesterday. You were grinning from ear to ear when we went in to get you in the morning.  You laughed, giggled and played in the morning before work. You babbled all the way to day care in the backseat. You have so much to say, I can wait until I can understand it. 

When I came to pick you up from daycare you cried because you were so excited to see me.  As soon as I picked you up it was all smiles again. I've never seen so much of your gums before. Perhaps this is the lull before you cut your first tooth. 

We took a drive to a farmers market to get fall strawberries(Mommy still needs to make jam). I foolishly thought you'd take a nap in the car. But you just watched the scenes go by. We stopped at the farm and daddy took you out. You smiled at the fruit, you smiled at the vegetables, you smiled at every person there. So many smiles!  We played in the car for a bit before strapping you into your car seat. It was a wonderful afternoon together. 

Mother's Day

What did you get for Mother's Day?

I got diarrhea. No, seriously. During the one 4 hour stretch of sleep Josie had last night I had to run, no sprint, to the bathroom not once, but twice. Yes, that is gross and embarrassing and I may regret putting it on my blog but that is life. When Josie is her own mother some day and has unrealistic images of the ideal Mother's Day (painted by Hollywood in some romantic comedy) in her head I want to remember what our first Mother's Day was like.  This is real life. 

Jesse left on Friday morning for a bachelor party in Montreal and he returned late Sunday afternoon. Josie and I were on our own all weekend. So I had that going for me, which is nice...but after spending all day every day just us girls I've found I really look forward to my evenings with Jesse.  I had Saturday all planned out-remember the theme of this blog, the best laid plans...soooo around 3:00 the car was packed, Josie woke up, I fed her and we were off to sleep at my parents house-that is until my car wouldn't start.  Fast forward 2 hours, it's about 5:00, we are in the car, it is running, and we are on our way.  It felt like setting sail in a tiny boat packed for a long journey, so much anticipation so little room.   In the end my parents were very happy to have us as house guests and I enjoyed the adult conversation. Oh, but remember that earlier blog post about sleep training and 'cry it out'? Yup, we'll start all over again tonight...training doesn't work on the road.  Can't say I really minded the extra nursing sessions and cuddle time with my peanut. It won't last forever. 

Mother's Day must have been created by hallmark.  It's just another day we are moms, good, bad, happy, sad, sick, well...it's just another day. Shouldn't we celebrate our moms any day, everyday?  Dads too! And teachers and nurses while we're at it. Do we really need all the hype over a holiday to be so thoughtful?  I by no means had a bad day.  I had a day. Another day being Josie's mom. In the grand scheme of life will it matter that Jesse was out of town for my first Mother's Day? Or that we are secure enough with each other that he choose whether he wanted to take this trip and then I supported his decision. (Doesn't mean I wasn't cursing him when I had to call AAA to jump my car). My day began(albeit early, 5:00am) with huge baby smiles and millions of kisses while cuddling in bed with my Jojo.  My day is coming to a close with a dinner I didn't cook, a glass of wine, my family all sung in their beds, and perhaps a nice hot soak in the tub.  It's just another day... filled with gratitude. 

 

The only mother-daughter picture taken on our 1st Mother's Day. 

Those morning cuddles I mentioned. 

Daddy's girl